Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Dark Week

So this blog is a lil late, which im sorry about, but i have had alot on my mind.
This week was weigh in week! Week 4 of the 12 week challenge! The week that dreams come true and you see your hard work really paying off. Well for most people that is!
I weighed in and found i had put on 1.2kgs!! I am embarassed, disappointed, angry, frustrated and feel like i have failed. Worried that i cant move forward. The 12 or so weeks before the challenge, i never ever put on, i did follow the eating plan, but still enjoyed life. All i wanted in those weeks was for this challenge to start. Now its started and i get results like this. I know my eating has not been perfect, but i thought at least what i was eating wont out way my exercise. I just dont know. I am gutted! and have no one to blame but myself.
Elise has given me 2 weeks to pick myself up and do another assessment. If i dont get good results! Im gonna quit!! I cant do this, so much stress, pressure and worry. Ive been doing it so well for the past 9ish months and i know that i have so much more to do. Which makes me worry that i will never ever get through this. I will never ever get to anywhere close to where i want to be. The Hardest thing im finding is that no one understands me, and why i feel this way. I feel like no one gets it. Its nothing, people say, you can lose that in a week. But its so much more than just a number for me.
Although i will give credit to my beautiful PT Elise, who has been so so so supportive and understanding and has been giving me alot of things to think about to help move through this hard time. I dont know what i would have done if Elise wasnt such an amazing person.
Where to from here?? I have two options, stay in this negetive head space and wollow in self pity, or pick myself up prove to myself i am worth it! Get rid of this negetive sabbotage talk and move the F forward!!!
Well im sure you will all be happy to know that since the weigh in i am back on track, eating right, exercising as Elise says(no extra, or less) and proving to myself i am worth this. I am worth the effort and heart ach! I just need some time to find this belief again.
I just hope that my weigh in, in two weeks has some good out of it! Otherwise, as i said earlier i dont know what i would do!
So positive thinking through this hard time, and trying to find my belief in myself again, is my mission this week. Day by day is how im going. Jumping all the obstacles as they come.
I just pray that i am strong enough to sustain this. Because right now, i feel like i cant do this!

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